Interesting Info on fast food

So I am not a fan at all of fast food, thank goodness that wouldn't help my weight issues at all..LOL.  Luckily I also don't allow OJ to eat it for the most part, she had her first happy meal at the age of 3 and has had I believe two since..

Come to find out this little piece of info...  While McDonald's advertises that they use "100% pure beef" that does not mean the patty is 100% beef (just like fruit flavoured beverages will advertise that they use 100% pure fruit juice, it is only a portion of the ingredients, and it is mainly sugar and water), nor that the quality of the beef is high. In fact McDonald's pretty well owns the beef industry, as they order so much of it that they dictate the farming practices to produce quantity over quality. (this information was from http://www.altmd.com/Specialists/Spring-nutrition-lifestyle-reNUal/Blog/The-Four-Year-Old-McDonalds-Burger-Fries)

Gross..now I found this information while looking into the 4 year old McDonalds food pictures..how gross, the shit doesn't age.  Nasty, how many preservatives must they use in order to get them to not produce any mold??  UGH..so there goes that, not that its a huge problem for us to not eat this stuff, we won't be eating it again..NASTY.

Happy Birthday Dad

You would be 72 today, I miss you tons and wish you could see all the amazing things that OJ is doing...shes grown so much since you last held her.

Things are going...slowly.

But I know that every day that I exercise and take care of myself that I am doing something good.  I haven't lost any more weight and no more inches lost but I believe I am building lots of muscle.

I have added spin classes to my regimen which definitely do kick your ass (like for real) I have never before felt as though I had humped a piece of aluminum.  I have gotten used to it now and no longer have the pain that I felt for days after that first class.  I was interested though to find out what kind of calorie burn I do in a day so I have purchased a polar heart rate monitor.  I am going to wear it for 24 hours to see what I burn in a normal day and then I can back down on calories from there.  I wore it to spin class yesterday and even though the teacher told me I would burn about 600 calories in the class initially, I only burned 389 total for the 45 minutes.  Its pretty cool though, the HRM tells me where to keep my heart rate for burning fat and it keeps weekly goals for the 3 training zones.


Other than that I am just enjoying time with my little one and laughing at all the awesome things she says.

Updates on "Tings"

So updates on everything here..its long but broken up to keep it straight.

I have officially lost 5 inches off of my waist,  1.5 inches of my hips (thank god - lets keep this number going up) and then 1/2 inch off of my thighs yet I have only lost 3.8 lbs.  I am really excited about this although I still have a ways to go, I can't figure out how to work on my hips but I assume the weight will come off with the exercise and diet..

I have yet to do P57 this week because my allergies are so incredibly bad I couldn't bear the thought.  I went to the gym today feeling better and so this afternoon I am *hoping* to do it.  I am doing pretty good with the diet although I have my times that I don't do so great.  What I have been trying to do is eat basically the same meal every day for lunch so I eat a grilled chicken breast on one of these yummy 7 grain deli flat things from pepperidge farm with honey mustard and red onion.  I really like it so that works for me and I am a creature of habit so really, if I like it, I can stick to it for a long time and I don't get bored.

I told Karl the other day that if I didn't have this all over layer of fat going on I would be hot.  LOL.

I have finally called in an interior designer, AJ from this amazing place..what gorgeous rooms.
 http://www.deborahleamanninterior.com/portfolio.html

They seem to do the rooms in the style that I really like and I am pretty sure I would have them recreate any of that into my home if I had the room that those people do.  I just cannot seem to finish this house off, I can't pick a color to bring the whole place together.  Hopefully AJ can do that and I have every confidence that she can.  After the whole curtain issue I have decided that I really just need some gentle guidance.

We have Alex's friends coming over to hang out this weekend before she heads off to her big Italy trip and the maids canceled today...fuck me. So, I had to call one of those franchise places and they charge 155 an hour and could be here anywhere from 1.5 to 2.5 hours cleaning the place.  I guess i don't care but I think thats a bit much given that I pay my regular cleaning people $90 a week to come and clean.  But they can come tomorrow which is what I need.

Also, I am pretty excited because I am a gadget geek but I purchased a 3D television last night..I didn't get the 3D blu ray player yet because the guy informed me that the new ones will come out in the fall and the movies won't really start coming out in 3D until the end of the summer anyway.  Lets just hope that netflix carries them!!

Well, that is the update, everything else in my life is amazing, especially my OJ.  She rocks.

A word of warning during this allergy season...

DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT hold back sneezes..lol

I know this sounds ridiculous but yesterday I held back some sneeze while I was driving and immediately my throat burned and I had horrible neck pain.  After a while the pain subsided so I didn't worry about it until I woke up this morning at 5am with my throat burning and it hurt to swallow...take a look and everything in there is blood red and swollen so I coated up with chloraseptic and went back to bed.  Woke up at 7 with it again.  This is so stupid so I figured you all might laugh about it...  :o)

Apparently sneezes can come at speeds up to 100mph and holding them back *CAN* cause severe damage.

P57 Arm and Ab Booster DVD

Uh, yeah, if I got through half of this I am lucky..these women can literally balance their entire body weight on their tailbone in some sort of convoluted V position..what the fuck?  I'm just speaking out of jealousy.  I wish I could do that.

These women are so long and lean, honestly sometimes I can't follow them because my body and theirs look nothing alike, they have such amazing core strength, they can hold their legs up in the air straight for what seems like a half hour.

I wish so badly I could share these with all of you just so you would understand all of this..but I started looking around youtube and found these which will give you some idea of what its about...no lie this is the shit they have you do..for 57 minutes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMYCX9FdEe4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDWUxFKWdE8&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExJcsRv7G78&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq74Ubq4dvc&feature=channel

Restoration Hardware Shore Scent

I am leaving Big K for it...

I got the soap and the surface cleaner and I am in love.  I have cleaned everything that I thought might need a touch up and the cleaning peeps come tomorrow.  Go get some.

Baby Emma Update and P57 really just kicks your ass...

Most importantly..Baby Emma update..there is widespread discussion going on about this and Big K is talking about it to other people which makes me believe we are getting close to a GO on starting again.  Hopefully this is the case and I am not setting myself up for disappointment.

And then, P57.....
I decided I had to do this again today and man..this thing is just ass kicking.  I got through the entire warm up, thigh and seat section.  The abs section was very hard for me, I have no core strength.  This is where I need all the willpower I can muster up.  I just can't get through it, I know I need to get a real exercise mat and cushion to help with my knees hurting but I have noticed that my back feels like muscles are straining when I do some of the ab part, perhaps this will just come with time and my back muscles need stretching (which is the case I am sure).

Anyway, I do have to MAKE myself do these, not because they aren't working but because they are hard but without something hard you get nowhere, its much easier for me to sit my ass on a couch.  but I swear they are going faster and faster.  Today I looked at the clock at 17, 28 then not again until 47.  This workout is so hard that you are actually not really listening to the instructor or checking the time because you are so focused on what the hell you are doing.  At this moment I can tell you I completed the DVD at 10:30am and I sit here feeling my sore muscles.  My muscles felt like they were vibrating through my shower, its the strangest thing, I can go to the gym and lift weight and I never have this. 

So, I have to do this 2 more times this week to make 4.  Tomorrow I will go to the gym for just about an hour so then maybe while OJ is asleep I will do this again to get it out of the way.  Who knows, maybe I can do it 5x?  One thing I really need to try and focus on is stretching...my body needs to be stretched every day.  I am not flexible at all right now, when they do the straddle I can't make it halfway down to the floor

My wishful thinking "after" picture

Seriously, who WOULDN'T want to look like this??  What an amazing body, this is absolutely what I want to look like.  Strong, lean and beautiful.  When I saw this picture in the catalog I quickly ripped it out and put it on the door out to the garage so I can see it every day to remind me.  I also wrote in sharpie marker "after".

I am considering hiring a personal trainer once I get a few more pounds off and taking this picture in and saying "make me look like this".  I am really not looking to be the skinny minny that I used to be, I just want to be strong and toned.  I am not even really looking at the weight on the scale that much anymore even though I do weekly weigh ins.  The measurements are what are telling me whats going on.  I joined the gym on April Fools Day and I started going on the 6th, Olivia's first day back at school so technically I am now 3.5 weeks into my endeavor.  I feel like I have done really well so far and even if I am not seeing a ton of results I am feeling them.  I am less stressed when dealing with Big K and OJ, things don't bother me nearly as much and I just feel better.  My "GAD" is at bay big time and I haven't been taking my acid reflux medicine regularly.  This is all good.  I am happy I have made this choice for myself and I hope that I can stick to it.

P57 Day 4 update

Well, as the update continues, I managed to squeak out a P57 workout this morning...still hard still had to stop a few times.  Now, good ol' Tanya tells me not to worry about it, its purposely hard so that I don't plateau...ok well yeah, I am just hoping that sometime in the next 6 months I can get through the dvd with no stopping.  I actually do think it will take me that long, this shit is no joke but its working so I am not complaining and I am going to just continue pressing on doing absolutely as much as I can.

One thing I have noticed is that the time is going quicker..before I know it were starting the last set and I know im in the home stretch.  What I also notice is that I am in so much pain and trying to breathe through these sets that I look at the clock in 10's so typically 10 minutes has gone by before I look again.  I have also noticed that my 5lb weights are too light for the bicep portion of the workout but maybe too hard for the tricep portion.  I am not getting a real *burn* from the 5lb weights, when I am at the gym I do bicep curls with 12.5lbs so for this I probably need to get a set of 8lb weights.

So, I am somewhat dissapointed but I didn't meet my challenge for the week and I only did it 3 times, Thurs/Fri/Mon.  So, I will start again and try this week to complete it 4 times.  Today is one so only 3 more times to go...ugh.  :o)

BMR/BMI what the fuck?

So, given my new found fitness I am looking into the physics of all this exercising and diet crap and really attempting to understand how my body is working and how I can get this weight off.  I am sure no one cares about all of this but in an effort for me to keep track of all my information I am keeping it logged here.

I was looking today to see if I am working out efficiently and start looking into BMR (basal metabolic rate) and BMI (body mass index)

So, my BMR is between 1495 and 1545 calories per day which means that if I laid in bed all day my body would burn this many calories.  So, to maintain my weight I have to multiply my BMR by 1.55.  So lets say I take 1495 calories as the amount my body burns then my daily caloric intake to maintain my weight is 2317 which seems like a TON.  So in order to lose a pound of fat you need to create a 500 calorie deficit every day.  So given that as per the machine at the gym I burn about 600 calories in an hour of doing the elliptical at what I would consider a moderate intensity.  Basically I would be kicking ass if I could do an hour on the elliptical every day and also creating a 500 calorie deficit in my food..unfortunately I don't think that will happen.

If you are at all interested in all of this you can calculate your BMR here: 
http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/

So, by calculators online it shows that in order to lose the weight I want to lose I should take in 1,577 calories per day to lose my weight by 11 Nov 2010 which to me is way too long.  My actual goal to lose (eventually) is about 28 lbs which puts me back into my size 4 jeans (hopefully!!)  LOL.  So, since I am doing weight watchers I need to also keep track of my caloric intake to see where I am.  I know WW works but I want to see how it compares with calorie tracking. 

On the food front, I am doing OK, I am trying my hardest to stick to the WW points every day but I swear, I find myself eating when I am NOT hungry and I'm not sure how to get around that.  Perhaps I should move my laptop out of the kitchen?  I think there is some emotional issue here that I cannot seem to get past.  I am eating every bit of the 23 points I get per day plus some of my 35 weekly points allowance.  If anyone has any suggestions on getting past this please let me know!  Someone told me that Dr. Phil's book addresses boredom snacking and emotional eating..I am not a fan of DP so I would prefer not to purchase his book....

P57 = Physique 57 = PAIN but pain is good right?

So, the breakdown of P57, this is a studio in NYC that I had read about a while ago but I had no interest in going into the city to take an exercise class...well they have dvd's now so I got them to try this miraculous workout.  A dvd that kicks your ass?  I had a hard time believing it.  An important note for any of you that may not like aerobics, you do not jump around in these, they are controlled movements that build bone density and muscle.

The first time I did it I was in P.A.I.N...hoping that it would soon be over and she said and there's your warm up...OMG  I was dying.  Now, right now I am all for a challenge so I am challenging myself to DO this and complete the entire workout.  Currently I have to stop and start through the standing "seat" section because for some reason my body won't hold all my body weight on ONE leg while in a controlled fashion extend my other leg and "pulse" up and down and the ab section I CANNOT for the life of me hold my legs straight up in the air for this length of time - I have lost all of my flexibility.  The challenge of actually completing this is enough for me to do it even though I hurt for the day I do it (thanks thigh section).  My thighs SHAKE in revolt during the thigh section..no lie, they actually say that if your thighs aren't shaking you aren't going low enough...wow..something to look forward to.

You need an exercise mat, hand weights and the playground ball as props.  You need a sturdy chair because this workout uses the ballet barre for stability while doing these crazy ass moves.




This is the workout that Kelly Ripa completely transformed her body with at the age of 37, I figure I have 3 years on her so I should do really well...HA! 

For a SUPER funny blog post about going to a P57 class read this:
 http://www.motherhoodinnyc.com/i-took-a-physique-57-class-and-lived-to-blog-about-it

All in all, I am loving the results, a half inch in ONE workout?  I literally measured myself the morning before I did it and then the next morning around the same time and a half inch was gone?  I have no idea if this did it but now I am all about getting my shit in shape so I can look better and I will put up with 57 minutes of torture to do that. 

You can do a trial of the whole package for 7.95 or something, where they send you all 3 dvd's and the playground ball then after 30 days if you don't return it its another 45 dollars, which I don't think is bad given all that you get.  You can get them here:    http://www.physique57.com/free-30-day-trial

Good Luck if you do it, its worth it.  I mean just check out my "after" picture.

Can inches really melt off?

Is this possible?  I mean, this is what they promise if you stick to it but I have only done it 3 times in addition to my other workouts.  I am skeptical of these things, I can't imagine this is correct.  But I am seeing it in person, this morning my stomach looked smaller so I got out the trusty measuring tape...since yesterday morning before I did my P57 dvd I have lost a half an inch??  That seems like a lot in a day?

I never imagined this, so in 3 weeks I have now lost 4.5 inches off my waist.   Every time I do P57 I have been sore immediately after doing it AND the day after.  I feel like this can't be possible but shit, 4.5 inches?  My body must be busy moving weight around because I haven't lost a lot of weight but for sure I look different, my entire midsection is shrinking and I have a waistline that is easily visible.  This rocks. 

To be perfectly honest I am about 18lbs over my pre pregnancy weight but this isn't baby weight, this is grief weight.  I had lost all of my baby weight within 2 weeks of having OJ - I mean, I didnt look good but I didnt have this weight on, this all came on after my dad died. 

Anyway, I feel so much better and I am so much more in control of how I feel, I just will continue to pray that I stick to this, I don't want to have to "find" clothes that look ok on me, I want to pick up what I want and not worry if I have a bulge here or there..

I will continue to keep posting my results here so that I can keep track.

Shaking some dust off...the blog and myself.

Oh there are so many things to report, the pleasantries that my mom and I exchanged during my 2 week trip to Florida...my brothers wife...but alas, I have decided that I need to make room and clear out some of that shit. 

I have been busy turning over a new leaf in my life.  I have started weight watchers to get off some of this "grief weight"...i lost all my baby weight so its strictly the shit that added on to me after my dad died that no one bothered to inform me of....yeah Steph, keep shoving those yummy little cinnamon donuts in your mouth and thats whats going to happen!   I haven't been what I would call depressed but I was teetering on it, I was uninterested in things, I had no energy and I was always fucking upset trying to find clothes that didn't look like shit on me so basically I finally had enough of it and started figuring

So here I am 3 weeks into my new lifestyle..hoping to all Gods out there that it sticks.  I feel so much better, I am starting to look better and I am so sad I didn't take before pictures.  In three weeks I have lost 3.5 inches off my waist, an inch off my thighs and an inch off of my hips.  So, in addition to (for the most part) sticking to WW, I have been going to the gym every day during the week, on Mondays and Fridays OJ goes to the daycare and the other days I go while shes in school and so that translates to this schedule:

Monday and Friday an hour of cardio in which i can typically burn 600 calories
Tuesdays and Thursdays an hour and 20 of cardio followed by 25 minutes of weight training

Wednesday an hour of cardio and 25 min of weight training

Now I have added a new dvd from Physique 57 which basically kicks my ass in a serious way.  I read about these classes that are offered in NYC that lengthen and tone your body in amazing ways, such as the inches just "melt off" of people.  Well, apparently kelly ripa has made them very famous because she looks amazing and so they created a set of dvd's.  OMG I can't even get through all the reps and exercises they do but I have done it two days and today I decided was my rest day, I will go to the gym tomorrow and hopefully do P57 while OJ naps on days I have been to the gym, I will just cut down on weight training.  So, I cannot explain these dvd's but shit, they hurt in a SERIOUS way.  It is basically like hell while you are doing it, even the bitches on the dvd are forcing smiles while they grit their teeth, there is one girl at one point who is making this awful face while the instructor is contorting her around.  It hurts and things hurt on me that have never hurt before...anyway, I am going to challenge myself to do it 4x a week.  I really want to look more like I used to.  I have been stagnant for too long.  Anyway..I will keep updating on progress so that I can keep track of it here.

I have also started looking at taking better care of my skin since I am feeling oldish and want to look better..so I have invested in a ton of skincare products including the clarisonic.  I think there is a tremendous difference in my skin thus far but theres still a long way to go, I had neglected it fairly badly..

Anyway, other than that I just sit back and watch OJ get bigger by the minute and hope that another little one makes her way to me. <3

Worst Birthday ever...

So this year was my 34th birthday and I feel old..ugh but really the worst part of it all was how it all went down.  I don't expect to be waited on hand and foot anymore but someone making an effort would be nice.  Karl got home at 8 after a stop at the rite aid in between the house and the train station to get me some cards.  Me and Olivia had a nice day with a nice lunch and all but it was the lack of people caring what my day was like that pissed me off.

Its as if I don't count anymore I guess.  It wasn't special, it wasn't what a birthday is supposed to be.  Maybe my expectations are too high but it just used to be better.  My mom forgot until I reminded her and I don't go into that whole long mess of a story and her excuses, its just not worth it.  We went to a late dinner and didn't have a cake but a brownie sundae with a candle. One of the reasons I have a birthday is in order to have a carvel ice cream cake...I love them.  Karl didn't make that effort and it just annoyed me, I would never let a birthday go without time and love put into it, even for the others.

I miss my dad, he always made it special.

Olivia the Pilgrim

Olivia was a pilgrim at school and it was just the cutest thing ever.  They danced and sang songs and then we had a feast of corn muffins, pumpkin bread, cranberry orange muffins and apple juice.

Here are some pictures

Olivia with her class and then Olivia with her friend Regan.  For some reason Olivia will not smile nicely for the camera anymore, I end up with this scrunched up face that looks like shes in pain.

As the blog sits...

Well that sucked...I had finally made the decision to get OJ vaccinated and BAM..she gets swine flu...hooray.  I couldn't believe it but we both managed to get through it unscathed for the most part.  I am happy its over though.

We added to our household by purchasing Miss. Marley Pumpkin on 31 October, hence the pumpkin.  No, she is not named for Marley the dog but better yet, one of Olivia's favorite musicians, Bob Marley.  She is as cute as can be, we are working on the biting.  Pictures below..

Thanksgiving sucked, we ended up going out to dinner because I didn't want to make it twice since we didn't have the kids.  This makes it even more apparent to me that I need to have another child.

Ok so heres the update! LOL Sorry..

Well we have had a busy couple of months..

OJ update:  She started preschool two days a week and she LOVES it, she asks me to go back all the time.  She has two little friends that she plays with and she adores her teachers.  I am the class mom so I so the collecting for trips and bake cookies for the class..its so Martha Stewart and so out of character for me, the *others* think its hysterical.  She has been growing a lot, shes 38lbs and 39 inches tall.  We have been working hard on the sleeping schedule and that has helped a lot, I have had 4 nights of uninterrupted sleep now which is a huge plus.  We are also completely PT'ed not even needing a diaper at our nap!  Hooray!!  Also, OJ is just the sweetest child, shes such a joy to me.

Steph update: I am doing good, my anxiety is still under control without medication so I am incredibly thankful for that.  My running came to a screeching halt with my treadmill going under so we are looking to get a new one soon but its fixed for now, that helped my anxiety more than anything.  So my big news I suppose is that I have decided that I am more of a two baby mama..so we are going to start trying in January YAY!!  I am hoping for a Christmas-y baby but not ON Christmas of course so I would even prefer the end of Nov.  I am really excited and super scared all at the same time.  The reality of having another baby scares me not the idea.  LOL..  I just think of how easy things have become with OJ because shes potty trained and wonder about taking another step back to go back to diapers but we will manage.  I want to give OJ a *real* sibling so shes got someone when I am gone, even if they aren't best friends they will have one another.  I can't leave her to be like I was when my dad died, I was the only one who had lost my dad.  The *others* wouldn't feel the same way so this has made my decision a little easier and shes been asking for a teeny baby with tiny baby toes so who am I to not give her that.  I think that the fact that she'll be 4ish when I have #2 will be good too, she will want to help and she'll have her own things going on so it won't be all about the baby.   My biggest concern is probably my anxiety and hoping that another pregnancy and birth won't be another trigger.  I didn't have what I would call PPD with OJ but then adding my dads death and big K being gone all the time I was just surviving and it all built up on me.

My relationship with my husband has come to this wonderful place and so I am also scared what a second baby will do to that.  What my plan is currently is that we write a contract to each other that we will not let things slip this time.  Hopefully that will be what we need to remind ourselves that we're important too.  I also have to let go and get a babysitter and let that person take care of OJ and *newbaby*.

My relationship with my mom has also come to a really nice spot, I must be letting more go and being less crazed about stupid shit, its really the only thing that I can think of because my two hardest relationships have become tremendously easier.  I also quit Judith, I told her that I would probably be back but I needed a break from it.  I have been fine for it and its saved me $175 every week.

I have picked my knitting back up given that its fall and I feel like its time to be doing that again!  I completed a cowl for myself and I have gotten about halfway through a sweater for OJ which is just turning out to be gorgeous.  I will post a picture once its finished.

So that's the update.  Its exciting to me but not really...lol.

No I didnt fall off the face of the earth..

and yes, I still plan on doing that post...there is a ton to update on too and I will get to all of it

Finally an update and next up some honest scrap!

Well, I have been MIA for a while now, things have been much better since my husband realized hes a paranoid idiot.  I am still working on fighting off this summer cold, its been craptastic for sure and I am just praying that OJ doesn't get it again.

My mom is coming tomorrow and I am really excited to see her.  I haven't seen her since February and am really happy shes coming to visit.  This is the first time in a while that I have been this excited to see her, I have finally let all anger go and I am so thankful for it, it feels really good to just be looking forward to seeing her and spending some time together.

I started running back on 26 June which was equal to me struggling through a mile on the treadmill and a month later I was easily running 3.25 miles 5 times a week.  I was so excited about this and then my cold hit and I am sure that I wont be slinking right back into that distance but hopefully it wont be horrific to get back to it.  This has reduced my anxiety to an almost non existent level, which has been the biggest benefit to it.  I haven't lost weight (other than my cold weight loss) but my body has changed a lot in 5 weeks.

My honest scrap post will come after this, the honor was awarded to me by Sarah - Thank you very much!  I am sure that my blog isn't worthy of this and I surely wouldn't consider it brilliant by any means!  LOL  But I will do my best on it.